Poliphilos

<crickets + footsteps in the forest over dried up leaves>

The Hero: Look for a mentor, they said. It'll be easy, they said...

<footsteps stop when the beat begins in the distance>

The Hero: what..? What is that? Is that a.... bass drum?

<Hero stumbles upon fairies who are teasing a lamb>

The Hero: What on earth is going on here..?

<hero enters a forest clearing full of dancing people and creatures>

Poliphilos: Paaaaartyyyyy!

The crowd: Woooooow!

<chicken>

The Happy: Hey, it's the Hero!

Poliphilos: Oh my god everybody, look who's here: it's The Hero!

The Grumpy: That the Hero?

The Curious: Hey, that guy looks familiar!

The Angry: Crackpot Hero!

The Village Elder: Where's the moon?

The Sister: Looser!

The Grumpy: Idiot!

The Angry: Check out those guns!

The Sister: Mm-hmmmm

Poliphilos: Hey Hero, welcome to Poliphilos's Party For The Poor & Betrayed. Life dragging you down? Oh, that's, right: your world was destroyed! Oh, you poor thing... But, you’ve come looking for help… from here???

The Hero: Umm, I guess..?

Poliphilos: That's so AMAZING! Then join the crowd!

The crowd: Yeeaaaaahh!

The Hero: Yeah, ok, but P, there's this thing...

Poliphilos: What? Can't hear you!!! What? You bring me gold? But don't you know the Partycoin destroyed money? Yeah... The art was taken, it's all lie, you know... NFT, Burning Man, TikTok, screw that. What do you say, people, wohoo?????

<lion>

The Hero: Ok, but I heard you could give me some... Advice..?

Everybody: GASP!

<tapestop + crickets>

The Excited: The Advice!

The Wannabe: Is he... gonna give him... The Advice?

Poliphilos: Yeah, you know, about that...

The Grumpy: Don’t give The Advice, P!

The Uptight: Give it to him, P!

Poliphilos: Ok, Hero, you want The Advice!

The Surprised: OMG he's totally going to give him The Advice!

Poliphilos: Ok, Hero, you want The Advice? I’ll tell you The Advice! Oh, the robots are almost ready. Come walk with me, need to get to the other stage. First, when you go out there you have to lose...

The Angry: Who stopped the music?

The Dwarf: Put the music back on!
Poliphilos: ... a labyrinth of mirrors. So, wear your wounds like armor—but don’t forget to dance in them! It's like outdrinking the moon on Tuesdays!

The Hero: What? Sorry, I can't hear you!

Poliphilos: And also, when you meet the monster, you have to remember that its teeth are made of your own doubts....

The Hero: I really can't hear you, P!

Poliphilos: ...so laugh until they crumble.... Hey, Ishtar, Goddess of Fertility. Have you met The Hero?

The Hero: Sorry!

<Ishtar's party>

Poliphilos: ...like stale bread! So just whisper its true name backward—it’s probably ‘Tax Auditor’ for all I know! Finally, offer it a riddle instead of your gold—monsters hate logic!

Hero: The music's really loud!

Poliphilos: and third: never EVER ever trust a map drawn by The King. Just burn it, and follow the crows instead!

<death rush flies by>

Hero: Oh, come on!

Poliphilos: Then, when you bow to the god who demands tribute...

<elephant>

The Hero: Sorry!

Poliphilos: ...steal their crown and turn it into a ink vessel! 

The Hero: P, I can't hear a single word you're saying!

Poliphilos: With that, sign the contract in sober ink. You can use wine, blood, or the tears of a bureaucrat if you meet one! So there you go! That’s The Advice! Isn't that right, people?

The Excited: Yeah!

Crowd: Wooooowww!

The Grumpy: Screw The Advice!

The Desperate: Somebody give ME The Advice!

The Hero: Ok, whatever. I'm leaving.

Poliphilos: There you go! Ain't it grand?!?!? Give him an applause, folks!

<applause>

The Anime Character: I wanna have your baby!

Poliphilos: And next, join me at the Restaurant at the End of the World where the alien babies from my song "Stand By Me" destroy the universe!

Crowd: Poliphilos! Poliphilos! Poliphilos! 

The Superfan: Oh my god, that's my favourite song!

The Hero: Stupid party! Didn't want any advice, anyway. Surprisingly uninformative. Well, I guess I'll just be myself and do my thing.... Stupid party. Was there an Alfie? And aliens?

About

A hero seeking out a mentor finds Poliphilos in his absurd forest rave, a mirror of the capitalist world’s absurdity. There, the hero realizes that the only one he can truly rely on is himself.

Credits

Written by Harri Alatalo

Produced by Juho Isomäki